Valentine's Day

Curtis drove over from Fort Worth to make sure I got the card below for Valentine's Day...

Curtis:  I had the damnest time with that card.

Me:  What do you mean?

Curtis:  Well, I bought it.  Then I set it down somewhere and couldn't find it for the longest time.  I finally figured out I threw it away.

Me:  You threw my card away??

Curtis:  Yep.  I said, you know, I bet that damn things in the trash.  Sure enough, there it was.

On Angelina Jolie

While watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith...

Curtis:  You know, she's pretty smart.

Me:  I don't know.  I think she's crazy.  She used to do all this crazy shit with Billy Bob and then she made out with her brother on the red carpet.

Curtis:  Oh really?  Hm.

Me:  Yeah.  Plus I'm not keen on her breaking up Jennifer Aniston's marriage.

Curtis:  Well that's just Hollywood.  You have to be crazy to be in Hollywood anyway.

Me:  Don't worry Dad.  Lots of men find her attractive.

Curtis:  Oh I don't think she's attractive.  I wouldn't call her stunning or anything.  She looks alright in this movie.  That other movie I have, The Tourist, she looks terrible in that.  Not attractive at all.

Poor Christina Aguilera

Curtis:  I got some movies recorded if you want to watch them.  I have this one.  With Cher.  She runs this night club.

Me:  Burlesque?

Curtis:  Yeah.  That's it.  The only reason I recorded it is for that one song Cher sings.  She can sing, I tell you what.  That other girl is not bad, but she's no Cher.

Cable Guy

Me:  What have you been doing?

Curtis:  Well I've been fightin' with the cable guy all day.

Me:  Why's that?

Curtis:  Well he came out here and told me he couldn't put the satellite up because the trees might grow and block it.

Me:  Are the trees blocking it now?

Curtis:  Hell no.  We went back and forth on it.  Finally I said, "Listen fella, you're not in the business of installing cable, you're in the business of excuse makin'."