Periodically when I call Curtis to ask what he's up to, he tells me he's been working on this door. Its not his own door but one that goes with some "job" he's working on. I'm not sure what the deal is with it really. He's been "working" on it for a long time now. He also has a ton of excuses as to why he can't work on it...either its too hot, too cold, or its raining. Apparently the weather conditions in East Texas have to be really prime to work on said door. Anyway, I called him tonight and this topic came up once again so I had to call him out.
Me: What did you do today?
Curtis: Not much of nuthin. Too hot. I did work on that door. Sanded it a little bit.
Me: I don't know what you're going to do with all your time once that door is finished.
Curtis: What do you mean?
Me: You've been working on it for a year now.
Curtis: It has not been a year!
Me: Its been a really long time dad. Aren't the people wondering where their door is?
Curtis: They live in Dallas.
Me: ..... um, what does that have to do with anything?
Curtis: They don't really get down here much.
Me: Yeah but if it were me, at some point I'd turn to Jacob and say, "Hey, whatever happened with that guy we hired to re-do our door? Its been, like, a year."
Curtis: It has NOT been a year, Lesley!
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Monday, August 1, 2016
The Holloways
Curtis is one of 7 children. Curtis is known among his family as "Curtis Lee" because his dad was also named Curtis (technically Noah Curtis but there is some story about how he hated the name Noah).
We used to have these family reunions on the Llano river when I was a kid during the summer. We'd all be out there in 1000 degree heat for a weekend to catch up. In the Holloway brood, someone always got in an argument. ALWAYS. My brother, Mark, has a saying for this (which I believe is based on another saying) - "Arguing with a Holloway, is like wrestling with a pig. You both get dirty but the pig likes it."
Me: Beckham has been argumentative with me lately. I guess he gets it from the Holloways.
Curtis: No, no he didn't.
Me: Seriously? You're telling me your family ISN'T argumentative?
Curtis: Well Garland wasn't. And Boog wasn't either. Carroll Don is; He'd argue with a stump.
Me: So what about everyone else.
Curtis: Well Ed would argue too. So would Marilyn - you couldn't tell her anything. Ruby too.
Me: So 5 out of 7? Odds are not in favor of your idea that the Holloways don't argue, Dad.
Curtis: My parents didn't argue though. We didn't argue with them, we knew better. You'd just get your butt whipped.
Me: So where did you get it from?
Curtis: I had some uncles that were argumentative. They were always hollerin' about somethin'. Must be them.
We used to have these family reunions on the Llano river when I was a kid during the summer. We'd all be out there in 1000 degree heat for a weekend to catch up. In the Holloway brood, someone always got in an argument. ALWAYS. My brother, Mark, has a saying for this (which I believe is based on another saying) - "Arguing with a Holloway, is like wrestling with a pig. You both get dirty but the pig likes it."
Me: Beckham has been argumentative with me lately. I guess he gets it from the Holloways.
Curtis: No, no he didn't.
Me: Seriously? You're telling me your family ISN'T argumentative?
Curtis: Well Garland wasn't. And Boog wasn't either. Carroll Don is; He'd argue with a stump.
Me: So what about everyone else.
Curtis: Well Ed would argue too. So would Marilyn - you couldn't tell her anything. Ruby too.
Me: So 5 out of 7? Odds are not in favor of your idea that the Holloways don't argue, Dad.
Curtis: My parents didn't argue though. We didn't argue with them, we knew better. You'd just get your butt whipped.
Me: So where did you get it from?
Curtis: I had some uncles that were argumentative. They were always hollerin' about somethin'. Must be them.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Child Rearing
A little backstory:
I'm not really sure what the problem was with my parents. I didn't wear "big girl panties" until I was 4 years old. I also carried around a bottle until I was around this age. This may jive with you if you are a parent but we don't play that at my house. Beckham was off bottles at 1 year and he's potty trained at 23 months. I could go into my whole parenting philosophy on this but I won't - and I typically don't judge other parents on how they want to raise their kids. But I'm judging the hell out of Curtis and Nina in this story - because, to me, this is pure ridiculousness.
According to one of my mom's friends, I would sit in the backseat, open the bottle, pour my mom's Sonic Iced Tea into it and close it back up all on my own. I mean, there are a lot of red flags here - 1) why was I drinking iced tea? 2) why was I still drinking from a bottle at that age? 3) why were my parents doing nothing about it?
Curtis: What'd ya'll do today? Did you go out to eat or anything?
Me: We don't really go out to eat anymore because of Beckham.
Curtis: Because of Beckham??!
Me: Yeah. The potty training issue. We don't really take him out right now. We are waiting until we are sure he can hold it if needed.
Curtis: Well just take him to the potty if he has to go. Like I did you.
Me: Like you did me when I was 4 years old?
Curtis: You were potty trained before 4. You just liked to wear your diaper. It's kind of like your bottle. You just liked to carry it around. You were weird. You just have to accept that you were a weird baby.
Me: I don't understand this. I mean, YOU were the parent. Why didn't you just take the bottle away? Maybe my parents were the weird ones - did you ever think about that? It's weird you'd let me make the decisions about my own potty training and bottle.
Curtis: Hehehe. Well I guess you've got a point there. It broke your heart so bad if we said anything to you about it. I just couldn't stand to see you sad.
Me: Sounds like I've been your boss since I was 4.
Curtis: You've been my boss since you were born.
I'm not really sure what the problem was with my parents. I didn't wear "big girl panties" until I was 4 years old. I also carried around a bottle until I was around this age. This may jive with you if you are a parent but we don't play that at my house. Beckham was off bottles at 1 year and he's potty trained at 23 months. I could go into my whole parenting philosophy on this but I won't - and I typically don't judge other parents on how they want to raise their kids. But I'm judging the hell out of Curtis and Nina in this story - because, to me, this is pure ridiculousness.
According to one of my mom's friends, I would sit in the backseat, open the bottle, pour my mom's Sonic Iced Tea into it and close it back up all on my own. I mean, there are a lot of red flags here - 1) why was I drinking iced tea? 2) why was I still drinking from a bottle at that age? 3) why were my parents doing nothing about it?
Curtis: What'd ya'll do today? Did you go out to eat or anything?
Me: We don't really go out to eat anymore because of Beckham.
Curtis: Because of Beckham??!
Me: Yeah. The potty training issue. We don't really take him out right now. We are waiting until we are sure he can hold it if needed.
Curtis: Well just take him to the potty if he has to go. Like I did you.
Me: Like you did me when I was 4 years old?
Curtis: You were potty trained before 4. You just liked to wear your diaper. It's kind of like your bottle. You just liked to carry it around. You were weird. You just have to accept that you were a weird baby.
Me: I don't understand this. I mean, YOU were the parent. Why didn't you just take the bottle away? Maybe my parents were the weird ones - did you ever think about that? It's weird you'd let me make the decisions about my own potty training and bottle.
Curtis: Hehehe. Well I guess you've got a point there. It broke your heart so bad if we said anything to you about it. I just couldn't stand to see you sad.
Me: Sounds like I've been your boss since I was 4.
Curtis: You've been my boss since you were born.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Snakes
My dad lives in a subdivision that is outside of town. There are woods and fields that border the subdivision. Its East Texas. I have to preface this story with that information so you know he's living somewhat out in the country.
Curtis: I saw a snake last night. Big snake. Well not really big - about 2 feet long.
Me: A snake?? What kind?
Curtis: Copperhead.
Me: That's scary.
Curtis: He was real pretty. A real pretty snake. Kinda rusty colored.
Me: Did you kill it?
Curtis: Well I didn't have anything to kill it with. Its kinda hard to fight snakes in the dark.
Me: I can imagine.
Curtis: I've seen more snakes this year then I've ever seen before. One of my workers killed a bull snake. Not my pet snake. That was a bull snake too.
Me: I'm sorry, there were TWO bull snakes around there?
Curtis: Yes but only one was my pet. The one that lived in the garage. I call him "pet" but I didn't pet him any. I don't pet snakes.
Me: Thank God for that.
Curtis: I better let you go. I gotta go out there and cut off the water.
Me: Well be careful Dad. It sounds like you've got 1000 snakes around there. The last thing I need is you getting bit by a snake.
Curtis: Aw, hell. I don't want to get bit by a snake. I'm careful. I look for them now.
Curtis: I saw a snake last night. Big snake. Well not really big - about 2 feet long.
Me: A snake?? What kind?
Curtis: Copperhead.
Me: That's scary.
Curtis: He was real pretty. A real pretty snake. Kinda rusty colored.
Me: Did you kill it?
Curtis: Well I didn't have anything to kill it with. Its kinda hard to fight snakes in the dark.
Me: I can imagine.
Curtis: I've seen more snakes this year then I've ever seen before. One of my workers killed a bull snake. Not my pet snake. That was a bull snake too.
Me: I'm sorry, there were TWO bull snakes around there?
Curtis: Yes but only one was my pet. The one that lived in the garage. I call him "pet" but I didn't pet him any. I don't pet snakes.
Me: Thank God for that.
Curtis: I better let you go. I gotta go out there and cut off the water.
Me: Well be careful Dad. It sounds like you've got 1000 snakes around there. The last thing I need is you getting bit by a snake.
Curtis: Aw, hell. I don't want to get bit by a snake. I'm careful. I look for them now.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Check ups
Curtis: Went to my doctor today to get the results from my blood work.
Me: And?
Curtis: He says everything looks great. He said keep doin' what I'm doin'.
Me: Did you tell him you were smoking?
Curtis: No. He didn't ask.
Me: Your cardiologist didn't ask if you were still smoking? I find that hard to believe. Did he say anything about your weight?
Curtis: No, no he didn't. I'm down 4 lbs to 230.
Me: Dad, Jacob weighs less than that and he is, like, 8 inches taller than you.
Curtis: How tall is he? 6'2"? He's not that much taller than me. I'm 5'9"
Me: You are NOT 5'9". I'm just shy of 5'8" and you are shorter than me.
Curtis: That's what I measured at the doctor's office! You're saying they measured wrong?
Me: The same "doctor" who doesn't say anything to you about smoking or your diet also said you were 5'9"?
Curtis: I don't know what to tell you about that. That's what he said.
Me: Hmmm...I think maybe this doctor visit happened differently in your head than what actually happened in the office.
Curtis: Ok, Lesley. You're so smart, you know everything.
Me: I'm just saying, I'll bet you $50 you're not 5'9". I'll measure you next time you come up here.**
Curtis: Alright. But you can't cheat.
**I did, in fact, measure him. He is 5'7 3/4". His response was "huh. i musta shrunk."
I let him keep his $50.
Me: And?
Curtis: He says everything looks great. He said keep doin' what I'm doin'.
Me: Did you tell him you were smoking?
Curtis: No. He didn't ask.
Me: Your cardiologist didn't ask if you were still smoking? I find that hard to believe. Did he say anything about your weight?
Curtis: No, no he didn't. I'm down 4 lbs to 230.
Me: Dad, Jacob weighs less than that and he is, like, 8 inches taller than you.
Curtis: How tall is he? 6'2"? He's not that much taller than me. I'm 5'9"
Me: You are NOT 5'9". I'm just shy of 5'8" and you are shorter than me.
Curtis: That's what I measured at the doctor's office! You're saying they measured wrong?
Me: The same "doctor" who doesn't say anything to you about smoking or your diet also said you were 5'9"?
Curtis: I don't know what to tell you about that. That's what he said.
Me: Hmmm...I think maybe this doctor visit happened differently in your head than what actually happened in the office.
Curtis: Ok, Lesley. You're so smart, you know everything.
Me: I'm just saying, I'll bet you $50 you're not 5'9". I'll measure you next time you come up here.**
Curtis: Alright. But you can't cheat.
**I did, in fact, measure him. He is 5'7 3/4". His response was "huh. i musta shrunk."
I let him keep his $50.
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
The Hospital
Dear Reader: This one needs some backstory.
My dad has been to the hospital on more than one occasion. Several occasions in fact. We are a very blessed, fortunate family that he has come out on the other side of these visits - only a little worse for the wear. Curtis is a bit like a cat with 9 lives.
However, I must mention that, like a cat, his claws are out when caged in a hospital room for any amount of time. He yells. He cusses. He threatens to sue (invoking yours truly as his legal counsel). My family has dealt with this many times; that is why I found this conversation particularly entertaining.
Me: What are you doing?
Curtis: I was watchin' this show about people that are taken to the hospital. The ER. Its kinda crazy. These people are just plain mean. Yellin' and cussin' at the doctors.
Me: ...
Curtis: I mean, flat out rude - to the staff and everybody.
Me: Have they shown you yet?
Curtis: Huh?
Me: When are they going to show you? I want to watch.
Curtis (a little indignant): What do you mean? I never really know whats going on when I'm there. I'm not mean to those people!
Me: Oh I beg to differ, father.
Curtis: Hehehe...Well, I wouldn't be on this show anyway. They did some follow up with the folks on it and I never got a call.
Me: Well they missed out on some good TV.
Curtis: Yeah....you're probably right.
My dad has been to the hospital on more than one occasion. Several occasions in fact. We are a very blessed, fortunate family that he has come out on the other side of these visits - only a little worse for the wear. Curtis is a bit like a cat with 9 lives.
However, I must mention that, like a cat, his claws are out when caged in a hospital room for any amount of time. He yells. He cusses. He threatens to sue (invoking yours truly as his legal counsel). My family has dealt with this many times; that is why I found this conversation particularly entertaining.
Me: What are you doing?
Curtis: I was watchin' this show about people that are taken to the hospital. The ER. Its kinda crazy. These people are just plain mean. Yellin' and cussin' at the doctors.
Me: ...
Curtis: I mean, flat out rude - to the staff and everybody.
Me: Have they shown you yet?
Curtis: Huh?
Me: When are they going to show you? I want to watch.
Curtis (a little indignant): What do you mean? I never really know whats going on when I'm there. I'm not mean to those people!
Me: Oh I beg to differ, father.
Curtis: Hehehe...Well, I wouldn't be on this show anyway. They did some follow up with the folks on it and I never got a call.
Me: Well they missed out on some good TV.
Curtis: Yeah....you're probably right.
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