I recently brought up this old blog on a podcast interview I did with The Principle Podcast by EksAyn Aaron Anderson about the limited time we have and having gratitude (you can listen to it HERE). It made me think I needed to wrap up this blog and say a final something about how the time with my dad ended.
I'd like to be able to say that my last conversation with Curtis was significant. But it wasn't. I was rushing home to get my kids settled in for the evening. My husband was out of town. We talked about Thanksgiving. He had a plan in mind to go by and see my grandmother so she wouldn't be alone during the holiday but he didn't actually talk to her about it. I told him he better call her and make sure she didn't have something else going on. It was funny because this never occurred to him. I told him I loved him and said a quick goodbye and that was it. That was a Friday. I didn't talk to him Saturday but called a couple of times Sunday night with no response. My heart always raced a bit when he didn't answer or return my call. Monday I saw a missed call from him at 4:00 in the morning. It was strange for him to call then. I figured it was a misdial, but it eased my mind to see he called me back. I called later that day to no answer. I was worried.
Tuesday morning was the day everything changed and I learned my father had passed away at home. The time itself was a blur - one of those things you remember in vivid detail but feels like a movie you're watching. I planned the funeral, picked the flowers, made the slideshow - all with the help of my lifelong best friend, Angie. Grateful doesn't even begin to describe her help during that difficult time.
I wrote a farewell to my dad that I read at his funeral that I will share here. I just couldn't let him go without letting everyone know how much he meant (and still means) to me.
You can watch the tribute here or read it below. I believe when we remember our loved ones out loud, they live on. My dad will forever be the voice in my head giving me guidance - and his legacy lives on in his family.
If ever a person wanted me to exist on this earth it was my dad. After getting two boys he was insistent on having a girl. He loved to tell the story of how the nurse approached him in the hospital on the day I was born. She asked “are you waiting on your baby?” He said, “no, I’m waiting on my little girl.”
He was so stubborn about it he refused to allow any boy gifts at my mom's baby shower or listen to the doctors who said my strong heartbeat indicated boy.
People talk about how our relationship was special. And how could it not be? He was not going to have it any other way and because I’ve always believed God favored Curtis, here I am.
After I was born, he was more than happy to load me up in a carrier and take me on every construction job he had. He would set me right in the middle of the sawing and hammering and I’d sleep soundly. For me, the smells of lumber, fresh sawdust, and brand-new carpet will always make me think of him.
If you knew him, you had to know me. He made sure if it. My accomplishments were his. When I became a lawyer, so did he. And he freely gave his counsel to many under the guise of “well, Lesley says...” (He actually did that in front of me once, much to my surprise.)
Many people have memories of Curtis and his Curtis-isms. When he and I argued over the idea that coffee was not, in fact, something he needed to drink at night. He’d say “Lesley, I can drink a cup of coffee and sleep sound as a dollar.”
I'm sure many of y’all have a Curtis-isms better than that. Hopefully they come to mind and make you smile. That’s what he would have wanted.
What many of you may not know is that Curtis was a true renaissance man. I’ll never forget the time he randomly started quoting a Longfellow poem to me, or the time in high school when I sat down to finger paint and he joined me. While I drew stick figures he painted a beautiful flower, blending the paints just right. There was the time his sister Marylin confided in me that he was not only IN the school musical, but he starred in it. He was so athletic; he could have gone to college to play sports. And he’s the only man I ever saw as a child, sprint down a soccer field, passing everyone easily, while having a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
I think it’s Important at the end of someone’s life to remember them out loud. To say the words “He was a good dad. He was a good friend. He was a good person.” Curtis was all of these things and more.
Was he perfect? No. The holidays remind me of a Christmas where I forgot to make or buy the cranberry sauce (to this day I’ll argue he told me he already had some). When there was none to be had, Curtis couldn’t believe it. He literally had a meltdown so bad that he refused to eat with all of us. After taking one bite, he abandoned his full plate in the sink, and proceeded to watch tv while the rest of us ate in shock. Funny enough, I too have this all or nothing attitude on occasion and the first time after that holiday when I had the same sort of overreaction, my husband literally told me to “stop cranberry saucing.” (It's a thing now.) I will say no one ever made the mistake of forgetting cranberry sauce again.
Aside from stubbornness, What did he teach me? My first thought was how to argue - but I believed that’s an inherent Holloway feature. Instead, I’ll say he taught me all the things' parents try to teach and that I hope to pass on to my boys.
Work hard.
Give people the benefit of the doubt.
Life will knock you down but keep your head down and keep going.
Know how to cheat at poker so you won’t be cheated.
Say “I love you” freely and mean it.
Forgive quickly.
A long time ago when I had to write my farewell speech for Miss Mineola, I said this about my dad:
Everyone has someone that is all good and love. He always lifts me up and never holds me down. He is both mother and father but most of all, he’s my best friend.
That was and is true. He was my playmate. He kept me safe when I was scared. He tried to mend my broken hearts. He listened. He trusted me. He believed in my capabilities. When I needed it most, he always knew the exact right thing to say.
God broke the mold when he made Curtis Holloway. He was an original. My hope is that you all have someone like him in your life: A person that looks at you and sees the very best of you - even when you can’t always see it yourself. A person who is always in your corner and always on your side, right or wrong.
I’ve lost 3 people this year who I loved dearly - a woman who was like a second mom, my grandfather and now my dad. Losing Curtis- There are no words that can describe the gravity of this grief. Life will not be the same without him. And yet I can hear his voice saying (as he told me many times) “Don’t worry about me baby girl, I’m fine.”
With the heaviest of hearts, I say bye for now daddy. With a grateful heart, I say thank you. Thank you for rescuing me as a little girl when I lost my mom so suddenly. Thank you for staying by my side for as long as you could. Thank you for raising me. Thank you for being the best dad and my best friend. I’ll love you always and forever.
And now, All I can do now is what you taught me,
Keep my head down and keep going,
until the day I see you again.
